I am not a perfect girl. I am human. I make mistakes. Lots of mistakes. I don't always say the right thing. I get defensive quickly & have a horrible memory. I constantly contradict myself. I'm selfish, impatient & a little insecure. At times I can be dramatic, wild, & impulsive. Butterflies, losing my teeth & being taken advantage of scare the crap out of me.
"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."
I have friends who love me unconditionally. I am beautiful, wild, adventurous, strong, scared & a little untrusting. Sometimes too trusting, free, opinionated, ugly, sad, happy, & everything in between...I laugh at what I find funny, & I cry when I feel sad. I have skin & bones, muscles, a brain & an imagination that spans infinite galaxies. I'm artistic & at times a bit ridiculous. I believe in magic & I work for Santa Claus. I have intense emotion. I'm doing my best. I am like no one you will ever meet because I am me.
So if life was exactly like a choose your own adventure book (remember those? "If you decide to start back home, turn to page 14.
Anyways, rehearsals have been tough. Physically exhausting. It's our J.O.B. as our director, Julie likes to remind us, & we love it. She's hard on us because we have so much potential to be an extraordinary line. We all know that but still sometimes it's difficult not to go to the dark place & be cranky because we have to go back and run a number all the way through again. I personally get a tiny bit impatient during the cleaning process, I'm working on it. I dance for the Radio City Rockettes. The Radio City Rockettes are the #1 precision dance line in the entire world. The devil is in the details & you can bet your space boots that we are given & drilled every teeny tiny detail down to where our elbow is on count 4 & how it's different than count 5. So I better throw that poor outlook on cleaning right out the window, it won't get me anywhere. In fact it will just make the day longer. What right do I have to do anything other than devour every blessed moment that I am getting paid to do exactly what I've dreamed of doing since I was a little girl? I don't deserve to if I'm going to take it for granted. I have a beautiful, brilliant, insightful, irreplaceable friend who has everything it takes to land her dream job, but she's still searching for that door...how can I complain? She deserves it just as much as I do. So do you.
"This is what you shall do: love the earth & sun & the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid & crazy, devote your income & labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience & indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons & with the young & with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, & your very flesh shall be a great poem & have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips & face & between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body..." -Walt Whitman