I've been doing a lot of over-analyzing lately. A lot of list making, spring cleaning, resolving, revamping, rethinking, 'self-therapizing.' And way too much opening my eyes wishing the sunrise would catch up with my brain. My off-switch is apparently jammed & all this darkness & down time is boring. Five hours of nothing but staring at the ceiling & listening to the cities' after hour hustle is a long night...so instead, I'm not even going to pretend I'm sleeping. I'm going to eat Hot & Spicy Cheez-its & tell you about my hair appointment.
I got my hair done two days ago, braved the NYC monsoon to travel all the way from way uptown to way downtown to Williamsburg, Brooklyn to go to my most favorite hair salon (Hello Beautiful. Check it out) & my most favorite hair stylist. (Rebecca. Mega hot. Master of her craft) I was so stressed about this hair appointment...I liked being a redhead because I felt it set me apart a little, but my sister & my roommate had red hair, but I kinda wanted to try something new, but I was worried it wouldn't look as good as the red, & what if it came out too boring or what if it was too normal, & what if this person didn't like it, what if, what if, what if what if....I turned a hair appointment into a crisis before I even got there, got it done & had a chance not to like it. If the Olympics ever make a sport out of anxiety, let me know...that gold medal will be mine. The devil's in the details & so is his advocate. It's too easy to get wound up over the little things & forget that regardless if my hair is red, blond or purple I'm still the same person. If I have new Jeffrey Campbell boots, the highest paying dance job ever, if I can hold a headstand in yoga for 7 hours straight....still the same girl.
Bukowski was right, " what matters most is how you walk through the fire." That's what defines you. How you handle yourself in those most extreme moments of your life. Having the ability to thrive & appreciate those beautiful moments in your life & the ability to hold your head high, dignity intact, at the worst. It's going to happen, that moment when you couldn't possibly imagine life being anymore unfair...then life takes you up on that challenge & gets just that much more unfair? You've been making lemonade so long you don't have any more room in your fridge & then life delivers you another truckload of lemons? That moment. When you squeeze your eyes shut, take a deep deep breath, nod your head & think to yourself, 'here we go'...Shed the self-doubt, malicious thoughts, desire to just give up & take the easy way out the way a snake sheds it's skin & start walking through the fire...Because those are the moments that define who you are, more than the clothes you wear, the bands you listen to.....& the color of your hair. I'm not much for believing life is necessarily fair, but my faith in karma remains intact...I may never grasp the system those giant golden scales operate on, however I refuse to be discouraged & give up.
Time will run out eventually, & I would much rather spend mine trying to get out of the fire, at least it beats the hell out of wallowing in it....
"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, & still defying fortunes' spite; revive from ashes & rise."
-Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
ps- If you dig poetry, you should read this. It's magically delicious :