Dear Robert Zimmerman:

"I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet. "

Today is the 69th birthday of one of the dreamiest men to ever walk the earth. Happy Birthday Bob Dylan. Thank you for being a poet, a preacher, a folk legend, a genius, a religious chameleon, a voice of a generation, a revolutionary, & one of the loves of my life. I wish you many, many more & I'd still kiss you even though you're 69.

Brute Force

Today was magical. A dear friend of mine convinced me to put down my book for a couple hours & take in a show with him. After a particularly frustrating day, & in my ongoing attempt to shake at least a little bit of my anti social tendencies, I threw on a dress & heels & headed out the door to meet him in Union Square. (At that point in time, not realizing that he was staying only two blocks from my apartment.) Somehow, while still running my typical ten minutes late, I managed to beat him downtown & took it as an opportunity to sit at the one empty picnic table in the park & enjoy the last few rays of sunshine on a particularly balmy New York afternoon. There were throngs of people coming and going in every direction set to the soundtrack of a saxophone being played somewhere on the other side of the park. I must say, all was right in the world. Eventually an older man joined me, inquiring about my tattoo & then my book, two subjects that delight me to no end. As the time came for me to meet my friend at the theater, in the midst of our goodbyes, he told me that I was radiant.

What struck me about it was that he wasn't complimenting my long eyelashes, or my straight teeth, he was complimenting how my appreciation for life shows in my face, he was complimenting my veracity, my graciousness & my love for the universe. I was really taken aback & really, really flattered. I am really happy with life, I guess it shows in my face, even to strangers. It's a lovely way to be, I highly recommend it.

Anyways, on to Fuerza Bruta, I met my friend at the front of the theater, & as we made our way up the narrow staircase amidst the other patrons, I asked where our seats were, to which he replied, 'oh we're not sitting...this show is standing room only.' (Which would have been fantastic to know before hand, I would have maybe not gone with a 4 inch heel.)

When I say that I spent the next hour of my life watching a show, I mean 'show' only in the bear bones of the definition because I was watching someone else perform. It was more of an experience, I don't really know how else to put it. It was a shockingly brilliant sensory overload. I was wide eyed, standing on my toes, dancing, shouting, terrified, confused, enraptured, smiling, waving, clapping, staring face to face with one of the most beautiful performers I have ever seen through a transparent mylar pool suspended from the ceiling hanging only inches over my head...it was unlike anything I've ever seen. I immediately changed my life plan to performing with this company of amazing, beautiful people. I don't know how else to describe it. Whatever they were, the conditions in my brain & my soul were just right for them to grab ahold of me, wring me out & leave me wide awake & magical. I loved it. Stop whatever it is that you're doing & go see it. Now. I'll even go with you. Let's go dance.

The truth is a bully we all pretend to like.

"& the choices that you make, between hating & forgiving, can become the story of your life."

pg. 3. Shantaram -Gregory David Roberts

(reading it right now & completely obsessed)

The one thing we always, always carry with us; in in our suitcases across the country, in our favorite handbags & briefcases to work day after day, our dance bags, gym bags, clutches, reusable shopping bags & even in our back pockets in our worst, most vulnerable, selfish moments, is our freedom. The freedom to love, hate, forgive, forget, let go, to leave, stay, fix, or break. At our richest, poorest, happiest, saddest, most furious times in our lives. Free will is one of the few things that connects each & every person on this planet; it's what we choose to do with it that separates us.

It's the reason we, despite our best efforts, have little to no control over our surroundings encompassing others. There is absolutely no way to control another creature of free will. We're all at the mercy of the entire universe, full of millions of billions of currents of free will, each one with it's own set of intents, hopes, fears, dreams, wants, ect. As much as I use mine to love, someone else is free to hate. Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. (Shari R. Barr) I couldn't possibly imagine something more true. Expect nothing from the universe & be grateful for the good you find in the world every day. Fact: Life is unpredictable. What can you do? You can wear your self pity like a shroud & close yourself off to the world, or you can be free to wake up tomorrow with fresh eyes, a fresh mind & a fresh heart, even when you have to fight for it. Be free to forgive & to love because you do have a choice, & it does become your life story.

"As human beings, we are endowed with freedom of choice, and we cannot shuffle off our responsibility upon the shoulders of God or nature. We must shoulder it ourselves. It is our responsibility."

-Arnold Toynbee

Inspired.

Two of my very, very favorite dancers working together. Magic.

I don't need anyone to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.

"Acknowledgement is a no-kidding, unvarnished, bottom-line, truthful confrontation with yourself about what you are doing or not doing, or what you are putting up with in your life that is destructive. It's not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth. I mean brutal reality: slapping yourself in the face and admitting what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are."

-- Philip C. McGraw (from "Life Strategies")

What have you been feeding your soul lately?

& it's all true too.

"If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will. Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man. To clarify: I’m not looking for a fix-up project, or anything of that sort. I’m looking for a man who quite simply adds something extraordinary and special to my life. And I to him. A fair exchange, an amazing mind, body and soul connection and a place to build something magnificent."

(I wish I could say I wrote that, but I didn't. I have no idea who wrote it. I love it anyways. I stole it from my evil twin. Thanks SJ. Lots of giant things coming soon. Stay tuned...)

The sun never says...

Even after all this time,

The sun never says to the earth,

"you owe me."

Look what happens with a love like that,

It lights the Whole Sky.

(Hafiz)

Imagine that. Love without expectation.

The sun gives to the earth without ever asking anything in return.

Can you imagine if we all spent a little more time loving more & expecting less?

ex·pec·ta·tion

   [ek-spek-tey-shuhn] Show IPA

–noun

1.

the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.

2.

the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3.

an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4.

something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5.

Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

6.

the degree of probability that something will occur: There is little expectation that he will come.

7.

Statistics. mathematical expectation.

8.

the state of being expected: a large sum of money in expectation.

I have expectations of myself as a person, a dancer, a yogi, an athlete, a Rockette, a friend, a sister, a young trendy girl living in NYC... I have expectations of my family, my friends, Starbucks baristas, yoga instructors, ballet instructors, taxi cab drivers...the list goes on. How reasonable are they & how many of them could I let go? Where did they even come from? Walking into any experience with too many expectations inhibits the ability to fully appreciate it. The world is a beautiful place, let it be. It's healthy to be optimistic, to push yourself...but experience has taught me that holding onto unreasonable expectations generally leads to dissapointment. We're all crazy perfectionists in a demanding world. It's time to shake off all those expectations & live each day with fresh eyes & a fresh mind. Spring cleaning!!! Let each moment come to you without expectation, & enjoy each experience for exactly what it is. I mean, in it's most simple form, that's what life is all about anyways, right? Once you've made some space by clearing out some of those crazy expectations, you may even have room for a little bit more love & compassion? The world could definitely use it.

(Can you tell I've been taking a lot of yoga again? All my crazy, hippie, peace, love, ballet & yoga talk? I spent 6:00pm until 7:30 upside down in yoga working on using my low, low abdominal muscles to initiate bringing my legs straight up into handstands then again in headstands...I'm going to be sore tomorrow...I love yoga)