People are strange when your a stranger.

Sometimes I like to make up stories in my mind about the people on the subway trains. I wonder which of them are making up stories about me.

I bake my cake & eat it too.

Here's what I think...

We're all working towards making the world around us as close as we possibly can to the "perfect" world we've dreamed up in our minds. That Center Stage meets 500 Days of Summer (ahem...Keltie :) meets Aerosmith video meets Kay Jewelry Commercial. Each one of them as beautiful & unique as the person who created it...What's yours? Mine is equal parts Anthropologie catalog, Breakfast at Tiffanys, & Rock & Roll chic, add a heavy dash of Carrie Bradshaw, mix well & top with a hippie bohemian gypsy flair....That's my perfect world...subject to change at any moment. Essentially I don't see anything wrong with that concept. We pull inspiration from everything around us in order to create ourselves & our universe how we each see fit, piece by piece. It means we're paying attention. There's no cure for dreamer's disease, I consider this making the best of the situation...

The difficult end of that being the realization that the world we live in will never be that perfectly scripted, painstakingly thought-out & over-thought day dream that sends you to sleep every night. My hair will never look as perfectly tousled as Carrie Bradshaw's in the mornings, I will never quite have the flair, or the Givenchy dresses, of Holly Golightly, & "he" will never actually be Jim Morrison...or Bob Dylan...The key is to look past that, see the beauty in your own situation. Your favorite scenes in movies are played out, don't preconceive every moment from now until forever or you're going to miss everything. So he stuttered a little & didn't deliver Shakespearean worthy poetry...So you couldn't afford Manolo Blahniks & wore your go-to Target pumps....There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're as cool & quirky as the people you wish you were more like. The hard part is embracing that & giving yourself permission to just be. I get lost 35% of the time I walk out my front door, my hair is a trainwreck when I get out of bed in the mornings, I for some reason refuse to leave the house without at least 4 necklaces, 6 bracelets & two rings on, I can't walk around my room without banging one of my shins on the corner of my bed, I have the worst memory ever, & I'm incredibly awkward in social settings...not exactly Holly Golightly...but then again I doubt she'd rock a pair of black knee high motorcycle boots the way I do. If you don't remind yourself of these things the only end result will be an incredible amount of un-necessary pressure you place on yourself to live up to some crazy idea...constant disappointment....I think it's wonderful to aspire to be like people you admire but remember the differences you have make you unique and

beautiful. There is already one Kate Moss in the world, we don't need another. Be yourself, everyone else is taken. There's no need to be upset every day of your life because you're feet just aren't as beautiful as Sylvie Guillem's....most peoples' aren't, yours will never be, but point them as hard as you can & be proud anyways. No one has any right to expect you to be perfect, unless they themselves are perfect & I'll tell you right now...they aren't. There are things you can't change, let them be. There are things that you admire, take from them what you can & put your own unique twist on them. Open your eyes to the world around you, let life unfold & enjoy it. After all, what else can you do? C'est la vie.

(sometimes I have to give even myself advice in the form of a blog. Today was blustery & rainy. Dinner with Keltie was like a hot cup of Refresh tea for my brain.)

I am getting up at 5:30am to be at the gym by 6....And that's that.

"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. "

-Jim Morrison

carte blanche

Day 1. New home. New York. New girl.

hi.

Unstoppable Momentum

.simple truths.

Happy Me Day!

to me.

to me.

dear me.

to me.

(what? is that wierd? No one else sang...I'll sing to myself)

Thank you mom & dad for screwing up & accidentally having me. Thank you Shelli, Sam, Ali, Keltie, Katie, Ann, & SJ for being my go-to girls from anything from boy advice to shopping opinions & putting up with me in general. Thank you Bob Dylan, Sylvie Guillem, Kurt Vonnegut, Robert Plant, Desmond Richardson, Janis Joplin(happy birthday where ever you are), Milan Kundera, George Balanchine, Freddie Mercury & Audrey Hepburn for filling my eyes, ears & brain with inspiration.

Thank you Excedrin for making the aspirin that will hopefully clear up the little headache I am experiencing due to the six glasses of champagne I may or may not have had last night. Toasting yourself on your birthday is one thing, but six times may be five too many...

It's my day so you have to listen to me because I said so...

here is my 2 birthday cents:

Good bedding shouldn't be so expensive...neither should love...99.9% of famous people are talentless and heartless...that's why reality television is so God-awful...reality television should be banished from the planet, except any & all appearing on Food Network...People lie too much, because they're scared. What they fail to realize is that the people they're lying to are just as scared...Neon leggings shouldn't happen...Passion Pit sounds like what I imagine Care Bears would sound like if they started an indie band...The world would be a better place if people drank less Red Bull and more tea...Rap music makes absolutely no sense to me, neither do politics, organized religion, Ed Hardy, William S. Burroughs, pink velour or romantic comedies...I know so many people put too much effort into being someone else in public, when who they are behind closed doors is so much more beautiful...LuluLemon isn't that great, it's hyper expensive & snobby...Britney Spears' children are going to grow up to be serial killers...People spend way too much money on weddings & not nearly enough on their well being & health...A Marc Jacobs purse can change everything...More people should fight the good fight, dig their heels into the ground & refuse to be anything other than nice...& honest...Facebook needs a dislike button, Myspace is so 2002, & twitter is useless...Rock & Roll saves lives...Men should have no say in abortion matters, just like straight people should have no say in gay marriage...Orange nail polish will make you feel 10 times better, it's like you can actually see the sunshine radiating from your fingertips...If you don't turn of the television & read every day your imagination will surely die. The loss of imagination is a tragedy & it's happening all around us...People rarely stand for what the believe in, I don't judge people for having a different opinion than my own. Do you?...World: Stop & take a moment to learn the difference between there, their, & they're, it makes a difference. I promise...Love more. Hate less. Hate is easy, love takes courage...

Here's to another year...

birthday wishes

"We don't read & write poetry because it's cute. We read & write poetry because we are members of the human race. & the human race is full of passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits & neccessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love...these are what we stay alive for."

-Dead Poet's Society

OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR

Unexpected hiatus. Sorry.

I'm a little late, but 2010 sort of snuck up on me. I have high hopes for this year..2007, 2008, I was treading water...I wasn't going anywhere at all. 2009...was kind of a transitional year...I was finally starting to get my head on straight. 2010: it's time to take to the sky.

TwentyTen (The 10)...I want a year of bright colors & loud music. Life at full capacity. Things I love. Things that scare me. No apologies & no dumbing myself down. Mistakes welcome. I'm ready for anything & I refuse to waste another second.

I have officially been home from tour for the longest week & a half of my life...The entire thing seems like a really crazy dream. I miss my friends, I miss the cave, I miss the guarantee of dancing every day, I miss room service, I miss starting every morning with a trip to catering for a cup of tea & ending every night with a standing ovation. These are the places where I am happiest & most myself. Beginning February first I will be joining the 10,000,000 people already living in NYC, to live again as a deliciously bohemian, free spirited, starving artist. I can't imagine a better way to be, hopefully maybe not so starving though. I'm hoping that within this time I will be able to create a life that is comparatively as beautiful as being on stage. A new place where I am more than happy to be myself...Wish me luck...

I'm in Chicago right now for my last 2 days as a 25 year old.

(I turn 26 on the 19th....yikes.)

Quality sister time: shopping too much, eating too much & laughing too much over

cocktails...I'm having the best time. I better enjoy this now, because when I get home, I have exactly ten days to yet again, pack my entire life into brown cardboard boxes & ship it to the Big Apple...So many things to do between packing, shipping, getting there, buying furniture. Frenzied....don't worry though...the only thing I've accomplished thus far is finding bedding at Anthropologie. Expensive bedding....Priorities people. There may already be 10,000,000 people living in New York City, but just one me...ready?

Like I said...2010 is going to be a good year. I can feel it my heart of hearts. As for now, I have a windy city to conquer with my sister...Later!