At times in my life the only place I have been happy is when I am on stage. -Bob Dylan

Despite our rather lite rehearsal schedule the past few days (which has been unbelievable) I've neglected to write. I like to think I was out living my life instead of day dreaming about it. From now on my free moments will be few & far between...as much as I would like to stay in bed & sleep them away, it's worth it to take the opportunity to explore at least a few of the 31 destinations in my near future. Our last few days of rehearsal before opening have felt slightly surreal considering how pleased everyone has been with our cast, Julie & Linda couldn't be more happy. How often do you get to play Radio City Jeopardy & end rehearsal an hour early with a cast sing-a-long to "Joy to the World" instead of cramming in one last full dress run. (it's amazing how few of the words I really knew to that song...)I'll admit...It made us all feel a little warm & fuzzy inside. In return for our hard work, we've had a lot more fun & a lot more free time!! (Opening day I had another phone interview, for the Grand Rapids Press...note to self Nicole: while in an interview situation, Rockettes do not use the phrase, "yea, man..." Honestly...)

Monday night was finally opening night, complete with butterflies & nerves, speeches, gifts, & a party! With electricity in our veins & stars in our eyes, the gun went off & we hit the ground running. The giant, dark, empty space we had been performing in for the past few weeks

had magically become a sea of movement, life, gleaming faces & thunderous applause. I have yet to find anything more gratifying, more elating, than the curtain going up on opening night.

Naturally we had some major technical boo-boos in the show. However, when it really came down to it...as we were doing our best to dance off of a moving double decker bus & charging downstage after our Shine staircase refused to budge, denying us the epic entrance we so deserved...we managed to accomplish everything we had so painstakingly rehearsed for the past two months, with more grace & style than any of the thousands of people sitting spellbound in the audience could have hoped for. On top of that we did it all without a hair out of place & a twinkle in our eyes, Lady Danger style, of course...what's up Hamilton? See you tomorrow Montreal.

So here we go, 105 shows, 31 cities, 17 one nighters, Thanksgiving on an airplane & Christmas Eve on a bus...Merry Christmas America. It's not necessarily the most ethical lifestyle, but as far as I can tell, it's what I'm best at. Thus far in life, normalcy is not my forte...I can't sit still...& although I still have yet to master sleeping in the fetal position across two seats on a greyhound bus, I'll take it over a white picket fence any time, at least for now...I like looking out my window & seeing something completely different every day, running out of my hotel room in a city I've never seen before on a rare moment off & discovering something new. I'm quite sure a month from now I will most likely change my tune & want nothing more than to stay in one place for a week & sleep it straight through, but then again, I've never pretended to be consistent.

One of my favorite people on this crazy little Christmas tour said this to me in an email yesterday, I think it might be one of the most epic, brilliant things I've ever heard on the subject of touring.

"Touring is crazy. It makes you crazy. The world will never be the same to one after one has toured and absorbed at the speed and level in which we coexist and make magic that we are all just used to creating, and sometimes fail to notice how cool this gypsy lifestyle is and we are leaving positive marks on people all over the map. That's ass kicking, and it's exactly the romance of the road."

Did I mention that I work with some of the coolest people on the face of the earth?

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors die of fright

Trick or Treat!

Here's the thing with scary movies: They scare me. I love them, I watch them, I sleep with the lights on. How do the Michael Myers movies still scare me? I mean, as much as I enjoy Josh Hartnett's very youthful face in this movie, he clearly has puny arms. This was 1998, long before Pearl Harbor. If only he'd watched the 19 preceding Halloween movies, he'd know that his weak right hook is no match for Michael Myer's boundless strength & large machete. I'll never understand how he always manages to be 3 steps behind Jamie Lee Curtis after a 20 mile drive, 4 hour boat ride, & 16 hour plane ride, when he's incapable of moving faster than a lethargic waddle. What's he so angry about? (Maybe he had to clean Group A off the bus again too...;)

Never fear, I have "The Nightmare Before Christmas" here on DVD...It's been one of my favorite movies since it came out in 1993. I've had the VHS tape since '93 & it's been played so many times it squeaks...long, long, long before it became a hipster staple...

I love, love, love Halloween. It's the one day a year it's perfectly acceptable to dress up as crazy, gory, glam, scary, silly, sexy, & out of this world as your imagination can fathom. (& not get funny looks from strangers) It's the one day a year you can go crazy & be who ever you want to be. (or perhaps let a different side of you shine a little bit more brightly than usual) I fully endorse celebrating Halloween once a month, at least. I totally punked out this Halloween unfortunately...There was just no time to put together an outstanding costume. Keltie & I wore cat ears to the mall today, that's about it. I even skipped the Halloween party in the hotel bar last night, I opted for a quiet dinner with Sam & Ging, & sitting in bed icing my poor, busted body & watching late night Food Network programming. (It was a good night.)

Thursday was another Media Day, but at the last moment Linda decided that instead of the usual black tight, black bottom & black Rockette tee she decided to bring back "bigger & brighter is better" day so we all got to give the news cameras some bright, bold, funky Lady Danger style. Of course, I don't own brightly colored dance wear, (I'm a balletrina, I wear all black, what can I say) the original Lady Danger, Schoppe, brought me a sassy tye-dyed tank to wear. I don't know if it was my hair, or my make-up, the tank, or the red lip, but I got tons of compliments on how pretty I looked. Everyone was so sweet :) I loved it!!

The most incredible thing about that day came when Linda announced that instead of having rehearsal today from one until four, that we were in such a good place that she was giving us all of Saturday off!!! What? Radio City history, again. That's never, ever happened. That means we have today off, tomorrow we travel to Canada, then Monday off...THREE DAYS in a row off...Unheard of. So instead of a run through, I went to the mall & Joann Fabrics with Keltie for some retail therapy & delicious Cinnabon :) Although, all I bought was stuff from Sephora & Apple that I needed. I could spend ages & millions in Sephora. Which is what I did today. There are just so many pretty colors!!

After yesterday, I needed the day off. We all did. We had two full show run throughs with clean up rehearsal after each run, I would say it came out to about a 2.75 show day. Man was I tired, by the end of the day my legs felt like they were made of lead. Our first run was a little less stellar than our fearless leaders had expected, they said it wasn't bad necessarily, but they knew we were capable of much better. We were all a little bitter & tired & wanted to nap. Before the second run Mark took a minute to inspire our attitudes & encourage us to work together, to feed off each others' energy...The reality of the situation is that we will be that tired once we open, probably quite often, & that's the only way we will get through the shows. We wound up pulling it together for a great run last night, I hope once we get into Hamilton we will all be 20 times better with our fresh legs & fresh minds.

Tomorrow we will be taking our first bus ride of the season, I stocked up on knitting supplies for the trip, I enjoy the bus rides much more than flying, they're pretty stress free. I will be in Canada for 18 days, almost a month. It's going to be fun, although I have a terrible time figuring out their money system, the loonies & toonies confuse me. I'm going to need Keltie's help on this one. On that note, I have a 7:00am bus call & haven't even started packing....See you in December, Hershey! Onward to the Land of "eh!"

When life gives you lemons...

Do you ever wonder when life throws you those devastating, gigantic life changing, jaw dropping, I never saw it coming, surprises, that maybe they wouldn't have happened if you had been paying closer attention? That if you weren't looking the other way, maybe things would be different? It's just not true is it. Some things you just can't foresee. Sometimes your problems yesterday fade into the shadows of a mountainous tragedy today. All of a sudden yesterday didn't seem that bad. It happens. That's life, we can say, & really, really try, to be thankful for what we have & focus on the positive, even in the worst of times. But who are we kidding, sometimes those valleys in the landscape of our lives collect a lot of rain water.

Much earlier today, I sat looking out a rainy window of Panera Bread with Keltie, Beth & Howie, contemplating a unique, witty ending to the phrase, "when life gives you lemons..." We laughed after going through a long list of cliche & silly answers, & finally realized we had nothing better. Little did we know that one of us was going to have a dump truck full of lemons unloaded on us hours later.

So what do we do when life gives us lemons?

The best I can do right now, is imagine you have to just start clearing a path to move

forward, one lemon at a time. I'd love to have some lofty, profound answer, but I'm only human, & not arrogant enough to pretend to be enlightened. You cry, & cry & cry & feel bad. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad. Sometimes really shitty things happen & you have at least my permission to take a moment & be sad. Life isn't fair. I DO NOT believe that every bad thing that happens in your life is karma paying you back, so don't feel guilty. Sometimes life just sucks. I guess you can do whatever makes you feel better with the lemons....lemonade, lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, lemon drop martinis...as long as you're making an effort towards getting to a better place. It's all you can do, I think, & these things take time. Life experience builds character & I do believe God only throws situations at you that he knows you can handle. Things will get better. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. It's not easy by any means, but there is no shortcut.

Usually it takes something big to remind us all to be thankful for what we have. Unless.....unless we make a concerted effort to remind ourselves constantly. Time heals & things eventually progress in the direction you take them. Do your very best & things will get better. Even in the bleakest of times, cultivate le petite bonheur....even if it's just lemonade.

I don't belong many places, but I know I belong here.

The past few days have definitely had their high highs, low lows & fair shares of craziness. I guess when your days are this long, there is a lot of time for twists & turns. Friday wasn't my favorite day ever...It was a textbook example of how powerful our minds really are...unfortunately it was incredibly painful. One of my favorite parts of the show happens in NYAC, (New York at Christmas) when we dance on a double decker bus...so cool. Less cool was learning the exit off the bus...Grab the pole in the door with my right hand & swing out of the bus on 1, 2, 3, 4....My sassy big moment! Wheeeeeeee!......?.....No?......$#%@...Ow. Why can't I do this right? It's simple. Why do I keep smashing my shin on the door of the bus? I'm so awkward. I can't do it. We ran Group A off the bus on the upside of 20 times...Still no success. (Mind you no one is correcting me or telling me I look bad...it just feels awful. & Yes that is my battered leg on the right with the black boots...The other girl is the girl opposite me getting off the bus...We decided we must not be doing it right.) I was having such a good day before that too.

Eventually we moved on into the number, Deep breath, here we go. Until we went back to run the number from "Group A off the bus" again. It was about 8:30 @ night, hour & a half to go. We get back on the bus, we're waiting for the music to cue...I loose it.....tears. Merry Christmas Meltdown...It happens. (Thank goodness no one saw, except my bottom of the bus girls :) Took a deep breath & 5, 6, 7, 8....Holy crap, I was a mess...the harder I tried, the worse I danced. All of a sudden I was hopping a left double pirouette, my center was gone, my depths were unclear & I imagine I was dancing like a damn fool. And I swear, I was trying so hard to be positive & let it go. Just move on...but every time someone addressed me, I could feel my eyes well up again...even when Andrew, one of our Stage Managers asked to take my NYAC gloves that I apparently had been wearing for an hour after everyone else has already given him theirs...I managed to barely keep it together for the remainder of rehearsal until I immediately bawled my eyes out the entire car ride home. How embarrassing.

Here's the thing, in actuality, the people watching said I looked perfectly fine, good in fact. I have no idea why I felt like the worst dancer that's ever lived for that hour and a half. I'm sure it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt. (Well except for my shins...we're work shopping new ways to swing ;) In tech, we work long hours, we get tired, we're all crazy perfectionists, things just layer & layer until you feel like a can of coke that someone shook up. Sometimes you just have to cry, it cleans your soul. Trust me, I get that some people may not understand, that's okay. There are aspects of my job, my life really, that may sound completely illogical, & crazy. I'm definitely crazy, so that makes sense to me.

Saturday was so much better, despite the grey skies & endless downpour. How could I not be happy on bigger is better day? I put on a pair of my garish, over sized earrings & some equally as large rings. (I love gigantic jewelry. I always over accessorize, it's kind of my thing.) Little did we know, bigger is better day had so much more in store for us. About two hours into the day, Santa & the little boys were on the stage working some lighting, giving

us a rare moment to relax. I grabbed my book (The Book of Laughter & Forgetting by Milan Kundera) & sat on the floor near the hallways with our dressing room (the locker room) & a load in door for some light. About 10 pages into my reading, (I'm so close to being done with the book, I just keep going back & re-reading. Kundera is so epic it takes a lot of re-reading to fully absorb) one of the security guards addresses me, "Excuse me...miss...you may want to move...ummm...." I look up & there is a steady, fast moving flow of water coming in from under the load in door.

The arena was flooding. I couldn't believe it...A couple of the other girls & I took off running into the dressing room, pulling everything up off the floor. LaDuca rehearsal shoes are not cheap....By the time we had finished the hall was flooding, we had to run through backstage & jump to higher ground in some of the arena seating. By then nearly the entire stage/backstage/entry way of the arena was completely flooded a few inches deep with yucky dirty rainwater. There is a lot of wiring & electronic stuff backstage...power down time. After a quick meeting up up in the dry second bowl, in catering, we were released until dinner...@ 6:00. Three hours to get paid to play? Thank you very much janky, busted, soggy arena. Keltie, David (our Santa swing) & I wandered through some nearby outlet stores & eventually made our way into three cozy armchairs in the

corner of Starbucks with a soy chai latte. I finally found time to read the news paper!! By dinner they had managed to clean & dry everything so we had three hours of working through Santas on stage. Even more exciting was that one of my very good friends was pulled from a different cast to come replace a girl we lost. Brittany had really bad Achilles tendinitis, I had really bad Achilles tendinitis once, I almost had to leave my cast. It's such a painful thing, I'm very glad she is taking good care of her body. I'm also very glad Sam is here. Welcome back to the A-Team Sam:)

I was in such good spirits Saturday that I even went downstairs for a hot second to be social! Yesterday was a day off, & boy did we all need one! Nothing too terribly exciting: mandatory Target shopping trip, of course. I love Target, they sell so many things I didn't realize I needed until I wandered every aisle. Adventured with Keltie: Michael's, Joann Fabrics, & Marshalls...needed some crafting supplies. Then laundry, days off go by waaaay too quickly. I always feel guilty for staying in bed all day, but when I'm a busy bee I just feel like I should be sitting in bed relaxing. I just can't win!!

Today there were no crazy, facebook status update worthy events. It was just a good day:) I had a moment sitting in the dark of the arena listening to our DC, Hannah giving notes, looking up at the ensemble working through a piece of choreography in the bright lights of the stage. It sort of balanced all the negativity I was feeling only a couple short days ago. Sometimes I wish I had a camera in my left eye. When I blinked it would take exactly what I was seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, & file it away in neat little compartments in the back of my mind, that I could pull out & relive whenever I needed them. They'd never fade, or fuzz around the edges, I could still feel it just as strongly as I did in that very moment. (I honestly wish this a lot, about a lot of different things..this would be my superpower if ever I had a choice.) But this was one of those moments, I don't know what it was that triggered it exactly but I was elated to be exactly where I was. Most times & most places I'm never sure if I exactly belong, I'm a hard puzzle piece to fit, but I know with every fiber of my being that I belong here.

New project: I was so focused on getting the slipper I was knitting finished that the day sort of flew by. It's cute right? Coming soon to the feet of a Rockette near you!!! I'm really proud, I just started the sole of the left one. Once I start something I get incredibly motivated & don't want to stop, in fact, as soon as I finish this post I am going to go right back to knitting. I need someone here to pry it out of my hands so I don't stay up all night stitching away...

If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic bean buyer...

Home sweet home. (for the next 10 days at least)

Sometimes I have these out of body moments where I step back and marvel at the sheer ridiculousness of my life. I got home from work at about 20 after ten o'clock at night. I'm always hungry after work. Normally, when you're hungry, you head for the kitchen, open the fridge, take a quick peek, grab something, & have at it. I, however, had to take the elevator down to the lobby, elbow my way through a crowded restaurant/bar full of strangers in business suits, people on vacation, & a handful of my Radio City family to pick up my carry out order. Pesto pizza. (not vegan. :( Shame on me, but there is a very limited menu this late at night) It's loud, karaoke night...People look at me funny...Hey, I may be wearing flowery boxer shorts & slippers but you're wasted, singing the worst rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" that I've ever heard. How cliche.

"Just another day @ the office"

Work today, was 10 hours of lighting & working through the technical aspects of maybe the first 30 minutes of the show. Yes, 10 hours of tech = 30 minutes of a smooth running show. (& we're teching really quickly for a new show) It's tedious. Every one's balls (of their feet ;) hurt. It takes forever, but it's part of our J.O.B. & totally necessary. We can stand on stage in one spot for 15 minutes at a time while they light us, not incredibly exciting. Then after hours of standing we have to kick it into gear and run a full number with track, at tempo. 5, 6, 7, 8...We just get more tired & more slap happy...by the end of the night we're all on stage telling jokes, playing telephone, doing the wave & saying the most random things.

Keltie: " you know how before the fall (in Soldiers) the cannon comes out and shoots?'

Me: "Yea?"

Keltie: "What if instead of the flag coming out of the cannon, Fergie came out & sang 'Boom Boom Pow'?"

I love my friends. Tech is painful, being surrounded by wonderful people makes it so much better. I mean, it's going to happen, like it or not. So we may as well make the best of it. We really haven't gotten a moment to breathe since we got here. We traveled all day, got in late last night & started fairly early this morning. My room is a mess, I'm just now finding time to read my news paper. (ps - This article is super interesting, if you want a good read: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/opinion/20brooks.html?_r=1 )

Walking back into Hershey Arena after a full year was so strange. It's always exciting to see the stage for the first time, & super fun to see guys working on the crew that I made friends with last year. Another branch of my big, beautiful Radio City family. Coming back here, to the same hotel & arena, inspired some unexpected emotion. Dragging my luggage into my room for the first time in a year somehow reminded me of the place I was in emotionally & mentally last year. (PS- Hershey, PA is on Food Network right now! How crazy!) I was not in a good place at all, I was incredibly unhappy & equally unhealthy. It took me almost the whole night & all of today to figure out what to do with this awful deja vu. I realized it wasn't that difficult. Reliving that unhappiness made me check in with myself & appreciate the great strides I've made in the past year, leaving me feeling very grateful. It's amazing how much can happen in a year.

I'm thankful, slap happy, accomplished, achy, proud, caffinated (I needed a diet coke.) & kind of exhausted...All things considered, it's not a terrible place to be. Goodnight!

Farewell Waccamaw.

Today marks the completion of phase one of Operation Christmas Across America. Our last day in Myrtle Turtle. Road boxes are packed, Ragdoll blocks are painted...Hershey, here we come! It's curious, I feel like we only just got here & at the same time feel like we've already been rehearsing forever. This is my last entry coming from the corner of my tiny bed, with a giant bottle of orange Gatorade sitting on the windowsill beside me in Keltie & my cute little condo. Farewell Plantation Station. It's been real. Thanks for the daily internet fiasco & the stinky fridge.

The last two days of rehearsal may have made Radio City history for me. I've never had the first three studio run throughs go as well as they did. I've never seen Julie happier with a cast. It's been INCREDIBLE. A-Team = cast of the century. I can only hope once we get to Hershey, Linda is equally as impressed with our work. So far (knock on wood) we've managed to push further & further without taking a single step backwards. I know the first time on the stage in a giant arena causes a bit of vertigo & a lot of nervous energy but I will just have to focus super hard. Teching a brand new show is a tedious process, especially when I have a sneaking suspicion Linda is going to change a ton of stuff once

she sees it from further away. Yikes.

During our second & final run of the show today we had some guests from other casts (in company management & stage management) watching. I had almost forgotten how much more fun it is to preform for people. (other than the ones with the eagle eyes watching for our every mistake ;) I was lucky to have some very good friends sitting & watching right on my line-up number. So, despite my tired legs & achy back, I was dancing for my life. It felt soooooo good. I love my job. I'm starting to embrace the pieces of choreography in the show that a couple weeks ago I found tedious & more challenging, the parts of the show where I can breathe deeply & gather energy (it's amazing how easy it is to forget to breathe....not good) & those brilliant little pieces of choreography I just live in. The ones I look forward to all show. I'm finding more of them every day. Julie told us today that one of our J.O.B. requirements is to have fun!!!! Amazing.

I know the next few weeks, before we open, are going to be jam packed with hard work & maybe some minorly unpleasant situations. (It's never fun when we're just standing on the stage lighting a number for 2 hours then have to run it top to bottom with cold muscles) But it's my j.o.b. I'm ready for it & I'm really excited for the next step in the process. It's not all bad...considering the arena is next to a theme park! (We're going on Halloween...which reminds me...Kelt, we need to figure out what we're going to wear for Halloween.) These next few days have been incredibly inspiring, how could I not be madly in love with life?

On that note, Myrtle Turtle Beach...I bid you adieu.

le petit bonheur

It's been a couple days. Big, productive, happy, sad, slap-happy, slightly sweaty days.

So you remember on the 14th, when I said, "Oh I hope our directors lighten up a tiny bit?" The next day, they didn't. It was one of the most difficult rehearsal days I think I have ever been through. Ever. However, it was a positive day, started at 10:05am with the same kickline 5 times in a row for a camera crew...I tried to keep count of how many more kicklines we did that day, but I think once I got to ten and it wasn't even 2 hours into the day, I just stopped counting. By four fifty, I don't think I had a single box accent, bell ring, jingle bell clump, jump split, myrtle turtle dove, shine out, or group A off the bus left in my soul. It was one of those days you feel proud to have survived.

Incredibly enough, the next day, they gave our aching legs a rest. It was a productive day without a single eye high kick! Imagine that?! A gift like that from the directors is a huge acknowledgment of our hard work. It doesn't happen often, so I was so thankful. On the rehearsal deck there are two large cardboard tubes opposite each other near where we enter & exit the stage that simulate the huge light towers that are on our actual stage. Keltie helped me climb into one. (I knew it was inevitable the moment I first laid eyes on them) I danced around, everyone laughed. The environment in rehearsal is so much more enjoyable when our directors are pleased with us. If we're doing our job properly & making them happy, rehearsals can be so much fun, but as soon as we being to slack, that goes right out the door. Way less fun.

Yesterday was our first full cast show run through!! I start to get excited when I see everything coming together. It doesn't seem that long ago, we were just getting here & learning our first numbers... Yesterday was also our first time dancing without having the mirrors to use as a crutch. We had to rely solely on our own retention of the choreography & feeling each other dance & breathe. It went really, really well!!! I made a couple silly mistakes, so did everyone, but the overall impression was that we're in a great place. We even got out five minutes early. Five minutes doesn't seem like much until you really think about how many eye high kicks you can fit into five minutes. We're going to be so prepared when we step onto our stage for the first time in Hershey, on Thursday. We're going to need it, teching a new show is a tedious process.

Needless to say, today was a perfect day for a day off. I went to a gospel brunch at the House of Blues with nine other Rockettes. I had such a wonderful time, I love being able to work & befriend such cool girls. We even sang "This Little Light of Mine" with the singer of the gospel band that was playing!! The past week definitely earned me a fun social outing with lots & lots of food. (ugh...so much delicious breakfast food...it's my favorite)

There were a couple days in the past week that I found I was really harping on myself, something I have been trying not to do. Old habits die hard. There have definitely been some tears, rehearsal is always a very exhausting process, no matter how many years I've been doing the show. (Merry Christmas meltdowns are perfectly normal) It's just a reality that comes with the job, but you have to remember, it's only a Christmas show. Friday I was dancing in a brown & golden bowler hat with light up reindeer antlers on it at eleven in the morning, after that, a giant orange wig with a big green bow, how seriously can I possibly take myself?

There are times when it is hard to believe in the future, when we are temporarily just not brave enough. When this happens, concentrate on the present. Cultivate le petit bonheur (the little happiness) until courage returns. Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine. Sink roots into the present until the strength grows to think

about tomorrow.

-Ardis Whitman

There were so many things to be happy about in the past seven days...A- Team hair bows. Lemon white chocolate chip cookies. Old friends. New books. Love beads. Nativity lanterns. Bad ass warm-up playlists. Starbucks green tea presents. Ugly E.T. cakes. Text messages from lovely people. Hair flowers. Screaming jump splits. Slap happy Rockettes. It's the little things people. The little things make life so much more fun, pay attention. They can save your life & your mood. Sometimes it's all you have & if you're too busy looking the other way, you're just going to be a big pile of cranky. There is something to be said for the simple things. Every day won't be good but there's something good in every day, even if it's simple as a red & green hair bow. I choose what holds value in my life, & I would much rather enjoy wearing my new A-Team hair bow (from our assistant dance captain's crafty momma) than be irritated because I didn't want to run box accents in Ragdolls again.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

(from her book Return to Love)

I may not have it all figured out, (that's an understatement...I have no idea what I'm doing) but I'm fairly confident I have all of the pieces, I'm just slowly figuring out where each one fits...